zooming out

I realized how depressing all the stuffs I wrote were years ago. I think I'm a much happier person now.

And it's not because I finished school or got my probably dream job. Although school was pretty depressing and probably the main cause to my insomnia all these years.

I think what's different now is my ability to zoom out.

You know how years ago you would get so caught up in worrying your parents found out you have been skipping classes and going to your friend's house to film. It's like tunnel vision. At that moment, all that mattered was your ovewhelming anxiety, what they're gonna say, how mad they would be, how you could possibly lie your way through this, how you could postpone facing the consequences of your own actions.

But it actually never mattered. Not when you look at the 22 years you have been alive as a whole.

It's like yourself in this universe right now. You think you matter, but you actually don't. At least not to the universe.

So now, before I freak out about anything and let it get to me, I will zoom out, and question in 20 or 50 years, will I care about this shit?

Most of the time the answer is no. So then instead of getting all upset or sad, I'll just have some ice cream instead.

It is a truly powerful thing.

You can yell racial slurs at my face, I'll smile at you and keep eating my ice cream. You can do me so wrong, I'll move on the next second like nothing ever happened. Unless you are my parents, or someone so important to me I would die for, you really are nothing to me and there's not much you can do to bring me down.

So nowadays, not many things could get to me. It's quite peaceful inside my head.