to a fault

It comes suddenly

In my sleep in my car in the shower in a room full of people

I was

Smiling politely legs crossed chin down lukewarm

Another night, january

Somewhere in the middle

My heart and my life

How did you end up here?

Chicago where I love

Unassuming gentle with a childlike smile

Effervescent, he would have said

Endearing clumsiness and fumbling words

Turned the revolving door

Tanta sweet milk on my mind

Candles, cheesecakes and philosophy

You told your story of wanting to save

My savior, finally, I thought

Inching closer body electric

The candles or my hair

Dinner reservations at 8

Pick me up I’m falling

Glitter heels

I was alive

3 2 1 Cha cha and the sheets

I didn’t know the songs

Just your fingers flirting with my skin

A touch entitled and selfish

Giving to you makes my heart so full

Bundle of fear and anxiety

Evaporated in the high

You,

Counting letters like some magic

Inhumanly fast reflex

You terrified me

Where’s your subject pronoun?

Does it hit too close?

Flowers at my door

Teddy bear I gave away

Curtains drawn at daylight

3 am and

Me delirious

Not finding my place in this world

What am i doing is it worth the fight

You think about death everyday

How do you measure your life?

Your dream of a family

3 kids and california

A believable cliché

My dream of a family

2

3 if you insist

Beautiful unlike mine

Little love note I dropped returned

Like a piece of my mind put back in place

8 to 5

9 to 6

We’ll make it work

Moving in together but I lied

Spontaneous plans I resisted

Threw my world out of order

I was without care without worries

I felt safe and I felt at home

After tattered soul and sloppy attempts

Finally my happy ending

Vegas, Denver, Geneve

You dream of escaping

Carnival ride, Kenosha of all places

Dancing around ‘love’

So close but I was a tangent

I love you too you took the plunge

And I dreamed of forever

With you

New Orleans my 25th

Crushed otherwise so I deny

With guards down heart open

Didn’t know I was about to be cut up

Didn’t know to you all repeats

Vietnam

Only me a crumbled piece of paper

Missed flight and missed fight

I was

Sulking in a bathroom stall, denver airport

Stunted and confused, with the breakup problem that wasn’t even mine

Miss your call i did not

“Why don’t you go away”

Your pocket knife almost taken but you only needed your words anyways

You fidget and you curse

I was twisted and self sabotaged

But nothing to do with your crime

I got fluent in apologies

There was a shadow lurking

Yours or theirs, you wouldn’t tell me

2 months out Roseland Saigon white ceiling

Shredded up in pieces

But im pushing

Cuz somehow I still hope and I still dream

Still looking at our photos and hold back a smile

But can’t the warmth I feel in my chest

Cuz what if it works out

You like because and you love despite