Culture of sufferings

This was written a while ago back in 2023

The code

Like a program we were set up with a certain coding language and logic during childhood.

It was coded in me that sufferings lead to positive outcomes, that hardships brings achievements and achievements bring self worth and self worth brings happiness. We were taught that in order to get this positive outcome, you have to go through something negative. It was shown to me ever since i could barely do algebra or know the alphabet that parents hit you; parents love you. Pain equals love.

Later in school, what comes easy was taken as granted and rarely generates praises. When I excel at something as it comes natural to me, it was brushed off. We were taught that life is not about celebration and complacency, it’s about always striving for the next things, tearing yourself apart to find faults to improve on.

So now i doubt easy love, when its exactly what love should be. Happy, uplifting, positive. Its not oppressing your needs, projecting insecurities, breaking thru impossible walls that people put up, setting yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

I was fucking taught that love isn't unconditional, you’ve gotta suffer and earn it

I was restless when its all bliss

Overwriting the code

I used to associate any change in plans in the other person’s life to things falling apart. That their love is conditional to this exact settings we have right now. When their lives change, whether it’s career, family needs, etc. the love changes and I’m irrelevant. That their lives have to be unchanging and unwavering to be able to bring safety and stability. Now I know we can be going thru personal changes while still 100% be accountable in a relationship with another person. It’s not exclusive of one another.

I used to think that there are questions I shouldn’t ask because they will upset and make the other person withdraw. Now I know it’s not my questions, it’s the wrong person I was asking.

All the things that I assumed were causally related were totally off-base. Now I know that my needs are just as valid

It was wild to me that there doesn’t need to be sufferings in the heart of love, but I’m getting used to and loving it