eq and random thoughts

emotional intelligence is underrated. you could have the highest iq but when it comes to a breakup, good luck using math sorting your emotions out.

and i never bothered to think about this until the last few years. i thought money is all you need to feel life a little bit more comfortably. but it turns out sitting with yourself alone with your thoughts is the hardest part. life still doesn't get more comfortable unless you learn to sit through things with your own self.

sometimes it's just simple self-awareness. like most of the times when you feel anger, you're actually feeling pain. and because you cannot express pain without appearing vulnerable, so you express anger instead. this really translates to others as well. when people are angry, most of the time it's because they're actually hurt.

this awareness helps me with empathy. respect what you feel and fully accept it, like if you feel hurt, accept it instead of letting it transform into some monstrous anger. i know how spiteful i could get and say hurtful things i don't mean. those deserve to be my most scorpio moments that i intend to change.

i think joy is different than happiness. happiness is rather conditional. you got a raise, you feel happy. you got a puppy, you feel happy. you kissed your loved one, you feel happy. but joy is perhaps more unconditional. joy is just pure blissfullness in your own existence not because of any external factor. even though it's just another boring day like the other 364 days, you just feel joy in living and existing. and nothing really happened that day but every little things in your life add up to bring you joy. i think that's rare.

on the joy topic, Marie Kondo works. Marie Condo your room, Marie Condo the people in your life.

cheap companies are not worth it. and by cheap i don't mean a price. it's just the companies who only find you or you only find when you're bored and couldn't sit alone with yourself anymore. i've done it before. regretted everytime. i just wanna go home and be alone instead.

it's hard to let go sth good and beautiful. it's easier if it's sth bad. so sometimes i criminalize things and people to let them go.